kel's gone....

a boring day

long time to see

nothing, just be good

32 killed,

19 wounded,

pray for them.

今天听说以前国际部的一个外教死了.

听说他是在家里面， 突然发心脏病死的. 葬到成都的.

他们说很久没看到他了, 然后一个朋友切他家里面找他. 发现他已经死了.

 

以前跟他不是很熟, 也只晓得他FIRST NAME叫 SUBASTIAN, 国际部的人都喊他雷锋.

但是我有时候翘课, 经常到他班上切耍. 感觉他人还是多不错的， 本那些来中国的外国人不一样.

感觉他是那种经历过很多事情, 现在看开了的那种.

他对我还是挺好的, 有时候经常引导我们想一些很深的问题.

 

人啊, 说来就来, 说走就走.

 

既然你都走了, 那还是就走好. 一个人.

可能对你也是种解脱.

I'm so stressed out right now.

Life sometimes is miserable. I am the one who always want to be unique and live in a way that nobody else lives. I always wanna do something that can amaze people, surprise people. But, when you find out that actually everything you do, somebody else is doing that as well. Everytime when I find out that i'm not really unique, im just a ordinary person, i feel it's like the end of the world.

My friends ask me what my dream is, what im gonna do in the future. I always say, i wanna be a part of the movie industry. But I don't really know the purpose of being a part of movie industry is really my dream, really something i wannt do, or just an excuse for running way from my life right now. I wanna be a succesful businessman as well, I wanna get some money and just travel around. But everything is too early to say right now.

The way i wanna live is that i can laugh in the last minute, but i can cry in the next minute. I'm a sensitvie person, meybe sensational, or not ... I wanna live a way that nobody else does. I want a lot of adventure or challenge, I want my life to be beautiful, amazing, surprising. Nothing really can surprise me right now, at least for a while already. I'd been wasting a lot of time back in high school. I always just said that i was not suitable for the education system in China. But actually, maybe im just not emotionally strong enough to get through it. I wasted my last 2 years in China.

I came to US, cuz before, i thought i might change a lot to live a better life, or at least i have a chance to live a better life if the environment around me changed. But actually, wherever you go, if you don't change your won attitude to your life, everywhere is the same. You are still the same old you. Or actually, i did change a bit. I don't really care going back to China or not right now. I wanna work more here to pay my tuition instead of my parents' doing that. If I go back to China, im just gonna hang out with friends or travel around with my parents' money. I don't really wanna do that. That's why i wanna find a job in the summer no matter in China or here.

I have no clue what im gonna do in the future. I can almost predict my life everyday here right now. Actually, everybody is the same. Like right now, I think only me is doing this or thinking about this right now. But almost everyone has been or is getting through this.

I understand everything, but i just can't accept everything.

Maybe it's gonna be better.

 

Life, is a tough thing to deal with.

四月也下雪